Articles/Essays – Volume 04, No. 3
Adam
Let’s see. This morning—since you’ve been gone—
I’ve taken a walk on the beach, naming
And naming and naming, until I can name no more.
Comber, anemone, crab. Will these do?
I talk to myself now—so I’ve found—
As never before, when he’d leave me, often
Now, and now you. I guess I’ll get used
To the feeling. But it’s funny—the way I get thinking
I mean—like imagining things as more
Or less than they are, because when he’s here I
Know him; but gone, he almost vanishes twice
Into all, or nothing—I have to urge
Myself back to that presence, that voice, or hassle
With a vacancy when I fail. And so with you.
Like today—I’m imagining you by turns as either a goddess
Or my servant, or as just another creature
To name, and everything in between, except
What I feel you really must be when you’re here,
And I’m worn out, before noon, when I used to be able
To name—name all day—with scarcely a pause.
But what shall I call it—both of you gone?
To name what I can’t see is going to be harder.
When you’re back I’ll try to explain what I mean;
But with you here, in a way, it might be hard.
But at least you can come and sit beside me on the sand,
And listen to the waves—right now
They’re small, making little exhausted crashes;
The animals romping or lolling, and the sky
Is a light—a difficult—blue, and no clouds.
I’m just trying to see things as they are, if I can.
My unicorn poking that surf, for example;
And with nothing at all to do with my hands
I’ve drawn you these words—on a slope of sand,
In those parallel lines you love so much
(I can hardly make them, God knows, when you’re here)—
But I forgot (it looks like) to account for the tide.
If you’re back in time, I’ll teach you to read this.