A Cautionary Voice | Elliott D. Landau, You and Your Child’s World

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Dr. Landau, a specialist in child development at the University of Utah, has compiled a warm and sensitive book of advice for parents. The book consists of short discussions on special topics, many edited from his KSL radio program, and a few borrowed from special experts, former teachers, and studies which he has “admired and thought worthy of [his] readers.” The selections are arranged in groups according to the chronological age of the child, and while the material is not comprehensive, cross referencing and indexing lead the reader easily to whatever he seeks. 

My own opinion is that in these days those parents who are really concerned about how to bring up their children tend to have good instincts about how to do it; and that what they need is reassurance rather than rules. Child experts who operate from a theoretical plane tend to be intimidating. Dr. Landau’s great popularity as expert and lecturer is largely due to his approach ability. Very small exposure to this book convinces the reader that its author is a thoroughly nice man. He cares about children and makes decisions in terms of their well-being. He makes no claims to omniscience and sometimes refers to his own problems as a parent. Reassured by this human interaction, we feel we could take our problems to this man. He understands and would give wise advice. 

He includes no capsule philosophy, but a number of ideas are repeated or voiced with such anguish that they seem to be central to his thought. The basic one is that each child is an individual with his own developmental schedule, personality, and peculiar gifts. To help a child unfold and blossom, a parent should love and encourage him, praise his progress, and appreciate his uniqueness. If pushed past his abilities, he may be forced into failures that may make life-time patterns. Dr. Landau says, “Childhood is not made for pressure-cooker learning—and yet seemingly wise and gracious people are grinding and boiling their pre-schoolers in cauldrons of hyperactivity so that there will be some sizeable acquisition of intellectual power” (p. 108). 

Dr. Landau does not think that children should be pushed into reading before school age; those that start later soon catch up. He contends that competition should not be fostered, and that children who are constantly pressured to excel at school, in games, music lessons, etc., will, instead of excelling, tend to be below average in whatever they do. Parents should develop their children’s self-respect and encourage activities that help children learn to think well of themselves. 

Parental warmth should begin at birth. Parents should speak and sing to their babies, and cuddle and pat and hug them. A child can best fulfill his potential in an atmosphere of love, where he is taught by good example. For this reason Dr. Landau thinks that society should be easier on juvenile delinquents who are suffering greatly already and are not likely to be improved by punitive action. He assumes that all behavior is caused, and that the only cure for unacceptable actions is to find and treat the problems. 

One particularly practical suggestion he makes is to ask ourselves each day if we have communicated with each of our children and, if so, what the nature of that communication has been. This simple test provides a framework for examining the quality of our relations with each of our children. Awareness of the negative and unpleasant things we say may help us to say a few nice things and strengthen our relationships. 

That many people would consider Dr. Landau’s philosophy too soft is obvious from the common remarks we hear such as “Your brother could tie his shoes when he was much younger than you.” “If he were my kid, I’d sure show him.” “Children must be taught the value of good hard work.” “Get in here and practice until you can play this piece decently.” It is a common assumption that if you do not push your children, they will never learn anything. Yet how easily we get locked in awful struggles of will with our children, spending huge amounts of wasted energy, building hostility and rebellion. Authoritarian persons may not be able to swallow Dr. Landau’s policy of loving permissiveness, but this book should prove a cautionary voice for each thoughtful parent. In this affluent age, when people depend increasingly on the beauty and accomplishments of their children as final symbols of status, we need constant warning lest we exploit our greatest treasures.

You and Your Child’s World. By Elliott D. Landau. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1967. 312 pp., $2.95.